LAUGHTER for the soul

A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas Cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?" "What denomination?" the clerk asks. "Oh my gosh, has it come to this?" the woman asks. "Give me 32 Catholic, 12 Lutheran, and 6 Baptists."

1. You never actually see Santa, only his "assistants."
2. Santa keeps his job until he decides to retire.
3. Santa doesn't really do the work; he directs a bunch of helpers to do all his work for him, but he's the one who everybody credits with the work.
4. Santa doesn't work anywhere near a 40 hour week.
5. Santa travels a lot.

Alex was five; all his Christmas presents were always signed, 'from Santa Claus.' A little while after Alex had opened all his presents on Christmas morning, we became aware that he was looking quite down in the mouth for no obvious reason. 'What's the matter, Al?'  I asked. 'Ummmm, 'replied Alex slowly, 'I really hoped that you and Mommy would give me something for Christmas.'

Sven stopped by his church to talk to his Pastor. He told the Pastor "I stole a turkey this morning on my way home from work". The Pastor told him "That was a awful  thing to do". The man replied "Yes, I know that now. Do you want it?" The Pastor replied "No, take it back and give it to the man that you stole it from." The man replied "I tried to give it back but he refused it". The Pastor told him "In that case you keep the turkey". The man thanked the Pastor and went on his way.
When the Pastor arrived home later that day he discovered that his turkey had been stolen!

When told about the government's plan for Daylight Savings Time, an old Seminole Chieftan just shook his head and said, "Only this government could come up with an idea that cutting a foot off the top of a blanket and sewing it to the bottom makes a longer blanket."

Little Tyler opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages with notes and underlines. Suddenly something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and stared at it. It was an old leaf that had been pressed flat over the years. "Mom, look what I found" the boy shouted. "What have you got there, dear"? With excitement, Tyler answered, "I think it's Adam"s underwear!"

A man was in the hospital recovering from a bypass operation. A member of his Church's Council came to visit & said that he brought greetings from the entire Council and their wishes that he should recover soon and live a long and healthy life.

The man thanked him and said that was very nice. He was somewhat taken aback when the visitor added, "It's more than 'nice'. It was an official resolution... passed by a vote of 14 to 7". "

"Do you believe in life after death" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes sir" the employee replied. "Well that makes everything just fine then", the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped by to see you!"

A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service. After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married.
"Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he requested. Immediately, nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.